I think this is the most difficult pet-death I've ever had to deal with. Perhaps it is the manner in which Bosco passed on, the cause of death or that I went through a roller-coaster of frantically searching for ways to help him. From one vet to another, hoping and hoping. One day it was poisoning, the next it was parvovirus, and it was back to poisoning. He got better, we were so hopeful, then he went down, then back up again, and the final blow came. It had been a mad roller-coaster ride. The worst was knowing that it was poisoning and yet not being able to do anything about it.
Or perhaps it is because he had only spent 27 days with me. He deserved more happiness. He definitely deserved more of everything, especially when he was someone who just wanted to please, serve and take care of me.
I don't want to ask those "why" questions. It is too painful and there will never be answers. It is always easier to accept death due to old age or disease, but when it happens suddenly, unexpected and tragically, it is so much harder. Asking those "why" questions will torture us even more because there will be no answers.
Last night, I came back and told Raven that Bosco would not be coming back anymore and that he is now in a much better place, free from earthly harm and danger. Of course I did not expect Raven to understand. She was happily prancing around, which was good.
I spent the night with my cats. Pole, Cow and Tiger slept with me on the bench. All three did not leave my side throughout the night until I woke up this morning. They know I am very, very heartbroken and they want to help too.
I can only console myself that I spent many happy hours with Bosco, made him feel wanted and gave him a sense of home and belonging and lots of love. And when his end came, I was with him all the way and I explored all possible avenues to try to save him. That would be my only consolation now.
Thank you, dear friends, for your very compassionate messages. It helps very much to know that Bosco's happy days and his brave journey were shared by so many and that he was not alone. You cheered him on, you rooted for him and towards the end, you sent prayers to wish him well. All the kindness that he has received will surely take him to a better place.
In memory of all our animal-friends who have fought the good fight and finished their race on earth, we must strive on to protect and help the rest as best we can.
As I finished writing this post, a small shiny beige-coloured butterfly flew around me and disappeared. Are there butterflies at 5.45am in the morning? Did I imagine it, or perhaps it is a sign from Bosco that all is well. I know when we find it difficult to accept the death of a beloved, our beloved one will send us a message of hope to tell us he or she is alright and we should not be so sad anymore.
Bosco just did that for me. His time on earth was meant to be a short one; he came, he did what he wanted to do and now, he's off to a happier and more beautiful realm.
The small butterfly flew pass me again, and this time, it flew up to the ceiling and disappeared. Then, another time again and this time, it flew around in circles on the ceiling, as though telling me, "Cheer up, I'm okay". Guess the butterfly had to come three times to assure me that I wasn't imagining it.
My spirits are finally lifted a little. Yes, it's a sign from Bosco. He's up there, watching over me.
P.S. Vixey did the same for me, 3 years ago. She sent me yellow butterflies and a golden dragonfly. http://myanimalcare.org/2009/10/06/a-little-yellow-butterfly-a-symbol-of-life/
Raven's Monge breakfast this morning.
True to her name, she can really eat.
There is so much to do now - to train Raven to use the litter-box and to wait for her mange to heal (I still dare not resume the oil treatment because she hates it so much and would run away from me). Raven still needs two vaccination boosters, then she needs to be spayed. The vet said she is only 2 1/2 months old because she still has all her baby teeth and none have dropped yet. OR, she could be 6 months old if her teeth now are permanent ones. Since she came on 9th October, she has doubled in size. The vet said to watch if any of her incisors drop in the next few weeks. If they do, then the 2 1/2 months is correct. If not, she could be a small-sized 6 month old.
If not for Raven's mange, I would have let her join the brood in Bunny's Place already. After all, nobody objected on the night when she made her way into the Clubhouse. Being as feisty as she is, I am sure she will fit in, somehow. She has also been vaccinated now.
I'm keeping her inside the house now, but yesterday, because I was gone for so many hours, Raven went upstairs and urinated and defecated on our bed...many times over. I've filled the litter-box with cat sand now, hoping she might learn to use it. Cat sand-tracking on the floor would be definitely better than faeces and urine on the bed.
If Raven joins the brood, Tabs will have a playmate too.
And I think Tabs wants to be friends.