Monday, April 30, 2012

Baggy's coming home to me today

Baloo's sudden demise has been a shock to me, and I think, also to many of our readers who have been following the Blueys' story since Day One.

Last night, Andy wrote to say that perhaps the office environment isn't so suitable for Baggy, so he wanted to know my opinion on rehoming Baggy.

I offered to take Baggy back.

Mr Teh also offered to adopt Baggy but the last time Baggy went to Mr Teh's house, she was terrified of one of his bigger cats. Apparently, Baggy had become rather timid as she grew. Baloo was the brave one.

I think my elders might not be as aggressive as they used to be now that they are older. The only problem would be Indy. If you remember, Indy ran away from home when I was fostering the Blueys. Hence, the urgency to get them rehomed. The original arrangement was just to foster over the weekend, and later for a few weeks, but after that, the rescuer could not take back the Blueys, and they ended up with me. Indy ran further and further away from home each day, and that was really worrying. I think you remember how bad it was at that time.

Maybe Indy would be more accepting now. Maybe Baggy can find a friend in Tabs as they are about the same age. Tabs is a very good-natured cat.

All "maybe"s.

Andy and Emily will be leaving on Tuesday for overseas for a month. There isn't enough time to look for a home for Baggy, so I thought it best if I took her back first. We'll manage somehow.

One day at a time.

This morning, I woke up in the morning, and the first thing I wished for was that Baloo's death had only been a nightmare. But of course I knew it was real. You know how it is when you first awake in the morning, and your mind is just crossing over from sleep mode (in another world) to reality, and you are not sure where you are for a few moments? I was there, and I wished everything had been just a bad, bad dream. It is called being in denial, which is a natural part of grieving. I am aware of that, and I know what is going on in my mind.

It is not a bad dream. Baloo is gone. We have to take care of Baggy now.

Acceptance will come later, after denial and all the bargaining has been done.

I went off to work, and I've long learnt to properly delineate my life into compartments so that one role does not cross over to another. I play many roles in life. When at work, work. Do nothing else but work. When teaching, teach. You owe it to your students. Smile, joke, teach, put aside everything and do your duty, no matter how you are feeling and what is going on in another part of your life, put that aside.

I've long acquired that "skill", for want of a better word. I feel we owe it to the task at hand, to do our very best. We cannot let anything else disturb or jeopardise that.

I remember the night Suki passed away in a car accident, it was absolutely shocking, and I had a public talk that next morning. I went and I delivered the talk. After the talk, I sat in my car, called my friend and cried my heart out. Then, I drove home. When driving, just drive. Do nothing else but drive.

So, after work today, I drove to the petstore to buy supplies for Baggy - some toys, a litter box, another food bowl.

Last night, Terry brought over a small 3-tiered cage and set it up for me. This is just in case I need the cage for quarantine.

 I hosed the cage down, washed it and all the platforms and ladders too.

The cats watched, wondering what was happening.

You know, you don't want to let emotions take over as you do these things. Just focus and do. Wash, scrub, wash, scrub, until everything is clean. Do nothing else, think about nothing else.

I already had time to cry yesterday; it wasn't a good cry, but it was good enough. I think I need a "good cry" for me to move on, but that has to wait. I need my strength to do what I have to do today. Baggy is coming back.

 The cage is all ready. There is a light blue feather toy.

I would have preferred a blue litter tray, but this was the last one of this size.

The cage came with a black litter tray, but no, no black. Black is not a good colour right now.

The plan was Mr Teh would bring Baggy straight to my vet for a check-up and I'll meet them at the clinic. I've made an appointment at 5pm. But Mr Teh wanted to discuss certain things about Baggy with me, so he will bring Baggy to my house first, at 4pm. I had wanted to minimise the change of environment for Baggy and the unnecessary traveling, hence, straight to the vet's and then back home.

But it's ok, we'll do what we can.

I'm waiting for Baggy now.


Bernice said...

I'm also waiting for your update on Baggy being "home". All is well at the moment...Don't be upset, i understand the tears, they are needed. Despite all that has happened...All will be well.

Akmar said...

I agree with Bernice. Bottling up the emotions won't do much help. Been there, done that.. ~hugs~
May everything turn up well for poor Baggy..

lynn yap said...

It's going to take time...but all will be well. Take care, Dr Chan.

Zally said...

I also cried when i heard Baloo died,,gone so soon..i hope Baggy can stay with u forever,,hopefully sisters and brothers can accept her...

Linda Low said...

I'm in tears also. But let us not worry for after a storm the sun shine more brightly and there'll be a rainbow in the sky. It's good for Baggy to be home again cos at least there's still uncle Bobby around for companion.

Joy E. Saga said...

Here's a hug for you Kah Yein. I'm crying inside right now - can't cry in the office. Be strong ... Baggy needs you and all of us. Take care

Peggy Quah said...

God bless those who has left but got to be strong to take care of those left behind Baggy needs love n company now both human and animal's too. You have a good home for her. I think Tabs will accept her n all the rest of family.

Chen said...

Hi Andy and Emily!

Please do not beat yourself by thinking you have not taken well enough care of Baloo and Baggy. I think you have done more than what most people can offer their pets. Sometimes, things are just the way it is. The kammic forces that brought Baloo to you has ended and she has gone to follow her other karmic forces. Your good care and love for her have planted many wonderful karma to ripen in the future.